REALLY??

I'm SORRY but my soul needs to vent this story for the RECORD. I always thought before I got pregnant that i would LOVE the big bulging tummy and feel glorious and like a FERTILITY GODDESS growing a HUMAN for crying out loud. To some extent, i DO feel this way, but on my negative, low self-esteem part, i feel fat. Sometimes miserably overweight. SILLY. 'You're PREGNANT' my husband reassures me. Then i cry an ugly mess of hormonal emotions and get on with it. Being extremely concerned with my recent heavy weight gain, I go to the doctor today thinking maybe i've only gained a pound or two since my last visit 2 weeks ago. No. I've gained an unGodly amount of weight of ten. pounds. in. two. weeks. I had to bite my lip as she weighed me and swallow the knot in my throat. But i remember in my mind the last visit, feeling the same way, expressing my concerns to my doctor, she was very comforting and tells me it is totally fine. Every woman is different! There is no harm, and if I AM concerned, just try to walk a bit more. And that was that. I felt better. I go and wait in the room for a little while, then a nurse comes in and asks if its ok if a Nurse Practitioner comes to see me instead, but I can keep waiting for my doctor if I choose. I chose to just go ahead and see the NP since it was just an easy visit of measuring and discussing any concerns i have. So she comes in and is pretty nice. She measures my belly, telling me i'm measuring at 32 weeks instead of 28 and that she was a wee bit concerned. if it was the same way next visit they'd need to do an ultrasound. I felt kind of scared at her comment but didn't say much. Then she used the words "Yup, you are measuring a bit BIGGER than we'd like..." My heart sank and i could feel my face getting hot. I told her "Yes I was a little shocked at the scale today, I'm not sure how i've gained so much weight, I don't feel like i eat THAT crazily!" Thinking she'd reassure me its ok, she went on.. " Well, U should ONLY gain about 25 lbs. Sooo, U'll probably want to cut back on the SUGARS. The Breads, FRUIT, FRUIT JUICE, Mashed potatoes, Basically carbs is what I'm saying. You know, like a modified ATKINS" She was totally serious. "And make SURE you are getting 30 minutes at LEAST of exercise every single day. Next visit, I'll be HAPPY if u don't gain any weight, in fact maybe losing a pound or so is totally fine too" Thats when I couldn't hold the tears anymore. I bawled right in the ladies face, who had no positive feedback other than to tell me to diet and exercise and not gain ANY more weight even LOSE A POUND. I told her i drink alot of JUICE and she goes "Yeah, U'll want to maybe just put a tablespoon in a glass and fill the rest with water instead. And if u are at a restaurant and want maybe a Sprite, just ask for HALF a glass." A bit harsh you think?????? I think so. I cried all the way to my car, and all the way to Checkers to get a chicken sandwich for lunch lol. I think I'm not going to worry so much, from what i've heard, i'm pretty normal in the weight gaining dept and i'm tired of worrying about it so.. I'm just not going to anymore!