Cathedral Circle

Tonight, like many other nights, I was browsing MLS to see what homes were for sale. I have no reason to look but when we were in the market, i became obsessed so it is still fun for me to go take a gander once in a while. So tonight I'm browsing the new listings and BAM, there is a listing for my grandma's home. I guess the people who bought it, redid the floors and are moving again so soon! But when I saw it, my eyes got huge and my throat got a huge knot in it and i clicked on it. The first photo of the home was the kitchen, and my eyes got teary. Immediately i remembered coming to clean while she was ill. And swiffering those floors and wiping down those counter tops. And looking at our pictures on her fridge. Then the sunroom, where she always sat. Then the outside where these flowers were blooming that, last year this time I picked one and stuck it in my hair because i thought grandma would think it was pretty. It was hard to see again. I miss her. And i often dream about her. In every dream I have of her, I am aware that she is gone, and that in this dream I am getting a chance to see a glimpse of her. Every dream, I am so desperate for the time I get to have with her and I hold onto it. It still doesn't feel like she is really not here. Sometimes I feel this panicky feeling all of a sudden like "It has been SO long since you visited Grandma, You should go....". Thinking of you tonight, Grandma.