I'm such a nutcase.

You know what i love about blogging? Other moms blog. Therefore I can ask advice and get excited to know that other moms out there perhaps will relate and reply :). OK so Deacon is  well on his way to 3 years old. When are you supposed to start them in a real preschool? It is so weird to think he might be ready for that. Where should I take him? He cries whenever he is dropped off at anything. This makes me extremely anxious. I have gone home early from church before strictly just to avoid the anxiety dropping him off at nursery causes me. Sigh. My newest problem with him starting preschool, I am terrified, i mean  TERRIFIED of the stories I have heard of kids started to get sick alot once they start preschool. Is that really true? I'm considering hiding me and my kid in our house and never leaving these days haha. I would love to hear some of your insights on this.... :\ I'm obviously scatter brained and a nut case about it so yeah.... thank you so much.

Lately.

Sometimes late at night, when I can't sleep, I get this urge to write on my old blog. Sometimes i type up a post on how i'm feeling or what is on my mind, and I will just save it. It feels so good to write down what's on your mind, doesn't it? My heart is so full today. And yesterday. And the day before that. When my boy is fast asleep in bed, and the house is quiet, and I just sit and think about my day, my life, my struggles, my joys...it all just is beautiful. I am not the "brag about my husband" type, But boy, oh boy, has he been such a huge help to me this past week. My Deacon had a fever for a couple days and one case of the pukes Saturday morning. I have severe emetophobia. When I say severe, imagine whatever you are imagining, only 1,000,000 times worse. It's silly really. But it will completely consume and paralyze me in fear. I will lock myself in the bathroom and stare at the wall, heart pounding, for hours. HOURS. It's out of control and absolutely horrible. Dusty was there to not only take care of our babe, but to lighten the mood so many times for me, let me be crazy and lock myself in rooms, everything I needed..he was there. I couldn't be more grateful. Me and Dusty joke that we know that we are meant to be together because of How I Met Your Mothers Olive theory, (one loves em, one hates em) And when we get wings, he likes drumettes, i like the...other pieces ha...He can't handle poopy diapers, I can't handle pukes. It All Works Out.  This afternoon, the air outside was chill and fall-like. We sat on the drive way and blew bubbles with Deacon. Dusty made the best "big ones" for Deacon to pop. I had a very vivid dream last night where I got to spend time with my grandma. Before she died, she said she would watch over me and my sister. I like to believe the dreams I have of her, which are all very similar and intense, are her way of letting me know she is. I drove by her house a few weeks ago and was so saddened by the dark unlit home with a For sale sign in the window. Very soon I will be going to the Temple for her. I am so very excited.  Deacon has started a preschool play group and is having some separation anxiety about it. It is as my house this week so hopefully it will go well. Deacon is doing great. He is a sensitive boy, and a big time momma's boy. Sometimes i call Deacon 'Stinky Pete' and often if I ask what his name is will tell me "Stinky Pete". He is funny. Deacon loves Trains and Dinosaurs and asks to watch "scary sharks" on youtube all day. Deacon loves animals. We take him to the Petco often to look at the fishes. He gets confused and calls the "Nemo fish" 'ELMO!" haha. Deacon repeats alot of what we say. If he wants something, he sometimes forgets to wait for my response before proclaiming "SUUUUURE, BABY!!" Or if I want him to come near me, he will say for me "C'MON, STINKY PETE!" It is oh so cute. I love him so so very much. Now if only he could never have the pukes EVER again, we'd be set! :)

Growing Up

I know it's silly to do a '26 month update' but.. here I am doing it. Deacon has started just this past week starting to say sentences. They are short sentences but I feel kind of amazed when he puts a few words together and I actually understand them. Anytime he hears a car/truck/bus pass the house he stops and says "I HEAR BU-BUS! HEAR BU-BUS!" He will say "I help" "Gus-gus, Sit!" "Mommy, Sit!" "I sit" "I go" "Dinosaurs, ROAR!!" "Dinosaur shirt." "Buzz blanket" "Night night, horsey,buzz,mommy,dada..etc" "Hi Fishy, shadow,gus..etc" "There it is!" "I did it!" and so on. He points to his face or mine or any toy's face and will name its body parts.. mostly just eyes, ears, "mose", mouth, eyebrows, toes. Today while buying strawberries at a little stand Deacon looked at them and said "STRAWBERRIES!" and i've never heard him say that before or even really tried to ask him to. The other day I was roaring like a dinosaur to Deacon and he looked in my eyes and leaned in and gave me a kiss haha! I couldn't stop smiling ;) This month we have been spending time with his cousin Dylan. His jealousy gets the best of him and it's the first glimpse i've seen of some Terrible Two's behavior! This past month he suffered a broken leg and some NASTY sores on his foot from the boot. It's healing up really nicely though! I feel like this seriously is the BEST age and GOSH do i love my boy. He is perfection!

JUST SAYIN

On jan 18th, on the night of phillip phillips audition, I blogged that i predicted he'd win the whole thing! Called it!!!! :-D I feel like I should win some sort of prize or something ha!! Love him

Who wants to...

Tell me every detail they know about potty training. what works.. what doesn't work... I think it's time to start but am so freaked out about starting!!!

it NEVER. gets old.

this will forever be my favorite song. It's been my favorite for years. and I think i'm in love with the lead singer ha.

Cathedral Circle

Tonight, like many other nights, I was browsing MLS to see what homes were for sale. I have no reason to look but when we were in the market, i became obsessed so it is still fun for me to go take a gander once in a while. So tonight I'm browsing the new listings and BAM, there is a listing for my grandma's home. I guess the people who bought it, redid the floors and are moving again so soon! But when I saw it, my eyes got huge and my throat got a huge knot in it and i clicked on it. The first photo of the home was the kitchen, and my eyes got teary. Immediately i remembered coming to clean while she was ill. And swiffering those floors and wiping down those counter tops. And looking at our pictures on her fridge. Then the sunroom, where she always sat. Then the outside where these flowers were blooming that, last year this time I picked one and stuck it in my hair because i thought grandma would think it was pretty. It was hard to see again. I miss her. And i often dream about her. In every dream I have of her, I am aware that she is gone, and that in this dream I am getting a chance to see a glimpse of her. Every dream, I am so desperate for the time I get to have with her and I hold onto it. It still doesn't feel like she is really not here. Sometimes I feel this panicky feeling all of a sudden like "It has been SO long since you visited Grandma, You should go....". Thinking of you tonight, Grandma.

I am the WORST!!

 Now, I think everybody who knows me.. knows that I am scared of pukes. I'm not just scared folks. It is a FEAR that consumes my entire body with panic and anxiety and all bad things in the world. Saying I am 'scared' is an understatement. I haven't yet thought of a word that is worthy of describing this massive all consuming 'fear'. IT controls ME! I have been known to sleep on the couch if Dusty says his tummy just hurts so i can avoid being in even a close proximity to POSSIBLE pukes. I HATE flying. Not because I am scared of crashing (although scary) I am scared someone will get AIR SICK next to me. I remember in high school on a charter bus coming home from Disney world with the band, a girl had the pukes on the bus.... I sat huddled up against my window and CRIED THE ENTIRE RIDE HOME with my hands firmly plastered against my ears like a FREAK OF NATURE. I think you get it. but you don't. Its what i've described times.. 20.. no 50!!!  Which brings me to my point.... Today... DEACON GOT THE PUKES. He puked twice in a row right in front of me in the kitchen the poor baby. And of course I did what ANY awesomely great mom would do..i screamed bloody murder "DUSTY! DUSTY DUSTY (looking at deacon "ITS OK BUDDY!!") DUSTY DUSTY!!!!! (its ok buddy!!) DUSTY!!!!DUSTY!!!" who comes flying in as i beg with teary eyes to please take deacon into the tub. Worst. Mom. EVER. I throw some towels on the mess.. which is all over Gus's back too. I came THIS CLOSE to having a full blown panic attack. All night I am eyeing Deacon every move he makes. He seems ok. Is running around playing and laughing and acting the same. But he was doing that right before... well.. you know what. My poor baby.  Oh dear. I knew this day would come but gosh I thought maybe my fear would just go away and Mommy Mode would kick in? Not so. :(. At least Daddy isn't afraid, right? My poor Deacy.

I'm on a roll.

I don't know what has gotten into me but every night I think "I should totally blog right now" and i just DO IT! It feels good. Lately i've been having alot of "you are a grown up now" moments. Prime example- my laundry smelling half decent, Yesss! Also, today i got really excited to go to my friend Sarah's place and learn about budgeting. I've been married almost 5 years and i'm just now looking into starting a budget. Actually that isn't true, i've looked into it, just never followed through. :-| i know. I've been in some sort of "I am still a TEENAGER" mindset for far too long. I'm not a dang teenager. Except that lady at Marshalls last year who exclaimed with such a jubilant tone "OH! LOOK!!! A TEEN MOM!! AWWW" sure thought I was. Part of me was like Woah what the heck i am a GROWN MARRIED WOMAN! But the other part was kind of like "I meeaan, yessss still got it". haha. ANYWHO. So i got really excited about the whole starting a budget thing. I went straight to Target and got me a BUDGET BINDER and NOTEBOOK PAPER and a pack of really awesome colored pens to make it more fun i guess. I made up my sheet for April and honestly I have it laid out on my counter like I am so proud of it and can't wait to have to write something else in there. So pathetic. But a turning-point for our bank account i say.

Target, my love.

Some days are good. Some days suck. Some days the only thing you can do is drag your make-up-less butt to Target and pray you don't run into anyone you know. Seriously, i had shifty eyes the entire time I was in Tarjay tonight thinking I was about to run into someone really popular and beautiful i know. (i didn't yay!) So i'm perusing  Target and i am MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS in the lamp shade aisle when all of a sudden i hear it. My relaxed state of mind was SHATTERED in a million shards on the floor when i heard it. The sound. Of. SOMEONE. puke. I totally kid you not. I have no idea where on earth this grown man, it sounded like, was puking but... i fricken high tailed it out of there immediately. Gosh. Can i just say that the new target is awesome and all, but the OLD target is just....it's just HOME.
Random side note- My bed shirt tonight smells really good like fabric softener. The pathetic part is, it is making me feel really proud. Everyone else's laundry always smells so good but mine always just smells like nothing and i Try So Hard! FINALLY is all i have to say.

Emotional Breakdowns, yay!

Dude...a few days ago, i put together Deacon's big boy bed. A real deal twin sized big boy bed!! Its actually a bunk bed but while putting it together (and yes I am the handyman here!) I could not make myself commit to the full on bunk bed. Seemed too grown up for me. I was nervous. The first night i put it together I felt sad. And anxious about it. So i shut the door to that room so I wouldn't see it and put Deac to bed in his crib. But the next day i thought, Gosh I am trying to keep him a baby forever!! So i.. gulp.. took apart his crib. Literally the entire time i cried. with each screw i took out i cried a little harder too. It was like a full on emotional breakdown. yikes, i know. It's still sitting all disassembled in my living room. But then i put his big boy bed in his room, with new big boy sheets and a ratty old blanket :-X (but its so old and COMFY!). And i tell you what, Deacon jumped onto the bed, All smiles! he loved it. So i felt better. I told myself that I would lay in bed with him and totally sleep with him every single night if I needed to..ok maybe not every night, but my mind was certainly racing and frantic about the whole thing so.. I dunno! ANYWHO. So the first night came and I laid in bed with him and we read our stories and said prayers, and i laid by him until he fell asleep. Then i left him. I could hardly sleep all night because i just KNEW he'd fall off the bed! Guess what though! HE DIDN'T. At around 8am he came strolling out of his room with his blanky and a big smile on his face. It was adorbs. So tonight I think, ya know what? I'd gotten him in a great habit of putting himself to sleep in his crib, maybe I'll just act all no biggy like and leave him in there awake. I was sure that he would crawl right out and follow me but Guess. What. HE DIDN'T. Well I mean it's only been like 40 minutes since i laid him down so i guess he still could come strolling out but HE HASN'T! And so I'd like to check off BIG BOY BED from our growing up to-do list! Sad face. Insert mom cliche-> "They grow up too fast"... waaahhhh!!!

Spiritual Thoughts

I've been reflecting on when I was first baptized lately. I came across this really awesome baptism book that the sister missionaries made for me. At the time I hadn't thought much of it. I mean i really appreciated it and thought it was so nice. But i pulled it out earlier this week and read it. And in it were every body who came's testimony. Some of the people at the time I did not know but know now and how special it was to read and feel the Spirit of that day again. On General Conference weekend, I am always so horrible at sitting and watching all of the sessions, mainly just perking up and listening to the Prophet with every fiber of my being. I remember the missionaries coming to our home and teaching me and I remember my first callings and the people who helped me and taught me what i know today. I love this church. I remember first going to the Temple, and awaiting my life changing moment to occur but just feeling PEACE. I love the Temple. I always kind of joke it is like going to the Spa to me. The clothing and the smell of it, ah i just love everything about it. I was thinking of this video i'd seen first when the missionaries showed it to me and i choked back painful knots in my throat at the end. I remember seeing it in Young Womens too when I was a teacher and couldn't hold back the tears that time. I couldn't find my copy of it so I searched online and found the last 10 minutes of the movie on Youtube. And it strikes me the same everytime during the last 2 minutes. I can't imagine. But I can't wait.You know, my patriarchal blessing says that I am to bear my testimony with all who have ears to hear it. And i always think "Oh darn thats like.. EVERYBODY!" and that is scary to me. But i guess blogging is a nice ease into it :) I KNOW without a doubt this church is true. I KNOW Thomas S Monson is a prophet today. I Know through baptism we can receive the best gift of the Holy Ghost. I know, and am so grateful for, that we can do Temple Work for the deceased . How incredible to be able to do that. I can't wait to do temple work for my family. I have a testimony of Visiting Teaching. I always look forward to my teachers visits and when they leave i feel so inspired and better than i did before they came. I love how everyone in the church just sort of GET each other. It is so easy to make friends. It really is like a family. I am so excited for Deacon to get this opportunity to grow up in the church and to learn of the Gospel at a younger age than I did. Being baptized was most definitely one of the best decisions I ever made. I am so grateful for that!
ps- my most favorite talk ever is still THIS ONE

Two.

Dear Deacon,

On your 2nd birthday(3/29) I just wanted to document some of the happenings in your little life right now. You love Buzz Lightyear and want to watch Toy Story all day, everyday. Also in your list of favorite movies is Cars, "FISH!" (Finding Nemo) and "BALLOONS!!" Up.  You love reading stories with mommy before bed, and you love playing catch with Daddy when he gets home from work. You have a favorite book and the last knot-in-my-throat page says. "I love you through and through, Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow too." Your favorite foods right now are pretty much anything we put in front of you. You REALLY love Macaroni and Cheese though. You will declare "CHEESE! CHEESE!". You love juice and demand it when I give you milk instead.  You say lots of words, and it is oh so cute. Sometimes you will even say "thank you" without me asking when I give you something and it melts my heart. You are shy, but are starting to step out of your comfort zone more and more. You love going to the "Kark" (park) with your friends or just with mommy. You love to ride in the car cart at Publix and yell 'Car cart! Car Cart!!" when we pass by. You like to dance to music, good music too. You won't dance to it unless it has a good beat! You adore Gus gus and give him loves more willingly than any other person in your family!I find myself alot staring at your newborn pictures and i honestly cant believe how fast all of the time has flown. But I love this stage of your life. It might be my favorite stage yet. You are the epitome of sweet. I always get told what a good boy you are.  You are my happiness, sweet Deacon. I love you tremendously. Happy Birthday, buddy!! 

What is my Prob.

Today i read through all my old posts when I was pregnant and when Deacon was first born and it was like I was reading somebody else's blog! It's weird... thinking i HAD A BABY once. It's really strange actually how much I've forgotten. It's like, i KNOW i was pregnant and had a baby, DUH. But i hardly remember what it felt like. When i see other people being pregnant and having babies i think "aw gosh whats that like?" haha. Deacon will turn two this upcoming week. Gulp. And as bad as I want to say "I can't believe he is 2 already" I feel kind of like... Well yeah he is 2.. hasn't he always been this age?? haha. what is wrong with me!? :) The other day I planted some fresh yellow and orange marigolds and got a pretty new topiary for my porch. Everytime I pull in my driveway I want to pretend I'm a guest seeing it for the first time thinking "Oh, how lovely!". Again, What is my problem? :) Have i said yet how much I love this neighborhood we are in? It is great. We have AMAZING neighbors. The lady next door knocked on my door the other morning, and came in for a chat and I didn't even have the house clean OR have a bra on. And i LET HER IN. And enjoyed her visit. WHO AM I!? I digress....Deacon is being an angel of all angels lately. Going to bed with NO tears. Telling strangers (or the car shopping cart) 'BYYYYYEEEE' and telling me and Buzz "Nye-nye" before bed. He is constantly saying new words that I didn't even try to make him say and I just burst with pride for this kid. I say this too much, but i always mean it.. HOW on earth did I ever get so gosh darn lucky.

I"m sorry but...

& I'm not biased or anything ;)  but Is my niece not the most gorgeous little thing you have EVER laid eyes on!? And she is a HAPPY baby. Like got a perma-smile on her little face. I could eat her UP. LOVE her.

Not Again!

These commercials! It happened AGAIN...

DARN YOU, PAMPERS!!! **sob**

Oh, Subaru.

If I had to buy a new car Simply based on their commercials, it would be a Subaru hands down...

Now tell me that commercial didn't have you choking back sobs!? Love it every time i see it.

My Day.

Today was beautiful. I mean really beautiful. 80 degree weather beautiful. And it started off great with my little niece and nephew coming to play. Gus has allergies and scratched scratched scratched his ears all day :\. To the vet tomorrow for his allergy medicine I go! Deacon watched Toy Story like 4 times today. But we also played outside lots so that makes it okay, right? Deacon also got his super dry hair deep conditioned and finally his hair doesn't feel like fried straw. Poor kid I tried a recipe from Pinterest for dinner tonight and it was pretty good. I think it smelled better cooking than it tasted though. I went for a bike ride over in my mother in laws neighborhood with Deacon and gosh it felt good. After leaving her house to head back home Whitney Houston's-I Will Always Love You was on the radio and I sat in my car in the driveway singing my heart out because c'mon... wouldn't you?? Now it is Deacon's time for bath-stories-prayer-BEDTIME. Then for me since the husband fell asleep early,  Magazine-Bath-Prison Break maybe?- BED! Goodnight,you lovely day you!

Convinced

So deacon was napping in his crib today and when he woke up I picked him up and held him for a minute and he fell back asleep on my shoulder so I sat in my bed and finished watching my show. Then this thing happened that happens sometimes. You know when your baby is a little tiny baby And they curl up and nap on ur shoulder with their face turned into your neck ? THAT HAPPENED. Except that normally it lasts oh 2 seconds but today? It was a solid five minutes of hot baby face on my neck and it was bliss!! I'm convinced it is the best feeling in the world.

iphone pics

My iphone pretty much captures every moment lately. Here's what we've been up to according to my iphone.

It's lovely.

Lately includes:
1. Sleep Training Deac
2. Playground time
3. Swapping yucky foods for healthy foods.
4. Cleaning
5. Warm Sun
6. Prison Break re-runs
7. Good health (!!)
8. Pure happiness.

Doesn't get much better than that.

Oh February.

February, February, February... you've been good to me. Better than scummy ol' January. And i say January with a nasal-y little kid mocking voice. Because January deserves it!! ANYway. Things this month that have made me smile:
Seeing Baby Grey's smiley fat face more (And his mommy!)
Making fruit pizza
Going to the Dentist. ahh yes, I love the dentist.
Deacon has acquired a new love- BUZZ LIGHTYEAR. so long, Cars!
Dusty is feeling better than horrible!
Kick Boxing class= the best.
Baby Niecey-Girl Dyl WAVES
Deacon seemed to not feel 100% this morning and wanted to cuddle. I'll take it!
Instagram
VALENTINES is coming. I still get excited for valentines day like I'm 13 in middle school and i'm hoping my crush will surprise me and bring me a card so EVERYONE in school knows it. Thats just me who obsessed over that? :\ Oh.
My car finally will get fixed next week. Yay! AND they are going to clean it all up for me. My poor car.
 PINTEREST.

My Boy

I don't know what it is lately about this boy. My boy. I'm so proud to be his momma. I love him so much. More than EVER. I can not get enough of him and I just want to smooch his face every second of the day. I've been in a bad habit of letting Deacon sleep with me and so yesterday i was determined to get him to bed in his own crib. If I stand next to his crib hes fine and will go to sleep. But it was rainy and thundering and I kept thinking up crazy scenarios. What if someone climbed into his window tonight and I didn't hear it????? He'd better sleep with ME tonight. What is my problem? haha. Now that Deacon has every Cars thing you could possibly purchase, he loves Toy Story now and points to the tv all day saying "BUZZ! BUZZ!" And of course now our blu ray player won't turn on and Buzz is trapped in it. I am putty in this kids hands. It's like I love him a little bit more every single day. And can you believe this next statement?....HE WILL BE 2 NEXT MONTH.  whaaaaat? I know. Crazy. 2 isn't a BABY anymore! 2 is a KID. GOOOOOOSSSSHHHH do I love this kid :)

music

Have you heard this song yet?? i really like it. But i kinda love this cover almost better. have a listen

Lets See.

My only reader (yes you, Jessi) requests an update. So i shall. 2012 has kind of sucked so far :\. But i guess this year can't get much worse and its got plenty of time to turn its act around so... yay? Whats making me happy lately.... hmm.. happy... lately..... OH. Every night, I watch ONE episode of Prison Break while I fold laundry or cuddle Deac or make the bed or something. I love Prison Break o'clock. Best time of the day. I peeled the ol' Cowboys star off of the back of my car and replaced it with a shiny new Chicago Bulls sticker. Love me some Derrick Rose! Now to just get my car all fixed from the accident on sunday. Bummer . I have eaten salmon almost every meal for the past 4 days. I can't stop. And its good EVERY time. Never disappoints. Except my house smells like semi burnt salmon. But oh well. :\. Deacon is on a speech BREAKTHROUGH. he says LOTS of words now..his newest.. Bulls :), Please (Peas?) Deacon (Deee-ka) Momma! Dada! Papa!  No, No, No! Cars! Gus! Down! Up! (pup) Banana (NANA!..yes he shouts it) And he will try to mimic most words you ask him to say. He is perfection! love him. Oh and I'm predicting Phillip Phillips to win the entire thing on American Idol. CALLED IT! :)

ATTENTION!

SO for christmas we got a brand new bigger table for our kitchen! We used to have a dining room in our old house but in our new house we just have a kitchen area. Before we had a little kitchen table and a big dining room set. We sold the dining room set, and now got something in between! SO we are still trying to sell our kitchen table set. Its so totally adorable. It was on my christmas list last year and i've loved it ever since. We just need a bigger table now so I don't have a place for it anymore. HERE is the table we have.  It is in GREAT condition and I'm asking $100 for it. ALSO I have this great rug from Target THIS ONE. Im asking $40 for the rug. Its a 5ftx7ft.  Please let me know if you are interested!! :)

be random

deacon smears chapstick in his hair for fun but gosh isn't he cute.

The Holidays! Gosh it didn't really feel like Christmas this year did it? It didn't for me. Honestly, the best part of the holidays this year was that my best friend Hannah visited from Texas. I hadn't seen her in a YEAR. Thats the longest i've gone without seeing her since I was 9 years old! I missed her. And time never changes anything with a best friend does it? We picked right back up where we left off and I love her. I'm so grateful for her. so So grateful.  We got so spoiled with gifts again this year, I'm so excited about them all! Deacon had a little minor surgery. I stayed up until 11:45 on new years ever before declaring myself too tired and went to bed. When did I become an old fart!? Thats what I am. I keep listening to THIS song, oldie but Goodie I say.