JUST SAYIN

On jan 18th, on the night of phillip phillips audition, I blogged that i predicted he'd win the whole thing! Called it!!!! :-D I feel like I should win some sort of prize or something ha!! Love him

Who wants to...

Tell me every detail they know about potty training. what works.. what doesn't work... I think it's time to start but am so freaked out about starting!!!

it NEVER. gets old.

this will forever be my favorite song. It's been my favorite for years. and I think i'm in love with the lead singer ha.

Cathedral Circle

Tonight, like many other nights, I was browsing MLS to see what homes were for sale. I have no reason to look but when we were in the market, i became obsessed so it is still fun for me to go take a gander once in a while. So tonight I'm browsing the new listings and BAM, there is a listing for my grandma's home. I guess the people who bought it, redid the floors and are moving again so soon! But when I saw it, my eyes got huge and my throat got a huge knot in it and i clicked on it. The first photo of the home was the kitchen, and my eyes got teary. Immediately i remembered coming to clean while she was ill. And swiffering those floors and wiping down those counter tops. And looking at our pictures on her fridge. Then the sunroom, where she always sat. Then the outside where these flowers were blooming that, last year this time I picked one and stuck it in my hair because i thought grandma would think it was pretty. It was hard to see again. I miss her. And i often dream about her. In every dream I have of her, I am aware that she is gone, and that in this dream I am getting a chance to see a glimpse of her. Every dream, I am so desperate for the time I get to have with her and I hold onto it. It still doesn't feel like she is really not here. Sometimes I feel this panicky feeling all of a sudden like "It has been SO long since you visited Grandma, You should go....". Thinking of you tonight, Grandma.

I am the WORST!!

 Now, I think everybody who knows me.. knows that I am scared of pukes. I'm not just scared folks. It is a FEAR that consumes my entire body with panic and anxiety and all bad things in the world. Saying I am 'scared' is an understatement. I haven't yet thought of a word that is worthy of describing this massive all consuming 'fear'. IT controls ME! I have been known to sleep on the couch if Dusty says his tummy just hurts so i can avoid being in even a close proximity to POSSIBLE pukes. I HATE flying. Not because I am scared of crashing (although scary) I am scared someone will get AIR SICK next to me. I remember in high school on a charter bus coming home from Disney world with the band, a girl had the pukes on the bus.... I sat huddled up against my window and CRIED THE ENTIRE RIDE HOME with my hands firmly plastered against my ears like a FREAK OF NATURE. I think you get it. but you don't. Its what i've described times.. 20.. no 50!!!  Which brings me to my point.... Today... DEACON GOT THE PUKES. He puked twice in a row right in front of me in the kitchen the poor baby. And of course I did what ANY awesomely great mom would do..i screamed bloody murder "DUSTY! DUSTY DUSTY (looking at deacon "ITS OK BUDDY!!") DUSTY DUSTY!!!!! (its ok buddy!!) DUSTY!!!!DUSTY!!!" who comes flying in as i beg with teary eyes to please take deacon into the tub. Worst. Mom. EVER. I throw some towels on the mess.. which is all over Gus's back too. I came THIS CLOSE to having a full blown panic attack. All night I am eyeing Deacon every move he makes. He seems ok. Is running around playing and laughing and acting the same. But he was doing that right before... well.. you know what. My poor baby.  Oh dear. I knew this day would come but gosh I thought maybe my fear would just go away and Mommy Mode would kick in? Not so. :(. At least Daddy isn't afraid, right? My poor Deacy.

I'm on a roll.

I don't know what has gotten into me but every night I think "I should totally blog right now" and i just DO IT! It feels good. Lately i've been having alot of "you are a grown up now" moments. Prime example- my laundry smelling half decent, Yesss! Also, today i got really excited to go to my friend Sarah's place and learn about budgeting. I've been married almost 5 years and i'm just now looking into starting a budget. Actually that isn't true, i've looked into it, just never followed through. :-| i know. I've been in some sort of "I am still a TEENAGER" mindset for far too long. I'm not a dang teenager. Except that lady at Marshalls last year who exclaimed with such a jubilant tone "OH! LOOK!!! A TEEN MOM!! AWWW" sure thought I was. Part of me was like Woah what the heck i am a GROWN MARRIED WOMAN! But the other part was kind of like "I meeaan, yessss still got it". haha. ANYWHO. So i got really excited about the whole starting a budget thing. I went straight to Target and got me a BUDGET BINDER and NOTEBOOK PAPER and a pack of really awesome colored pens to make it more fun i guess. I made up my sheet for April and honestly I have it laid out on my counter like I am so proud of it and can't wait to have to write something else in there. So pathetic. But a turning-point for our bank account i say.

Target, my love.

Some days are good. Some days suck. Some days the only thing you can do is drag your make-up-less butt to Target and pray you don't run into anyone you know. Seriously, i had shifty eyes the entire time I was in Tarjay tonight thinking I was about to run into someone really popular and beautiful i know. (i didn't yay!) So i'm perusing  Target and i am MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS in the lamp shade aisle when all of a sudden i hear it. My relaxed state of mind was SHATTERED in a million shards on the floor when i heard it. The sound. Of. SOMEONE. puke. I totally kid you not. I have no idea where on earth this grown man, it sounded like, was puking but... i fricken high tailed it out of there immediately. Gosh. Can i just say that the new target is awesome and all, but the OLD target is just....it's just HOME.
Random side note- My bed shirt tonight smells really good like fabric softener. The pathetic part is, it is making me feel really proud. Everyone else's laundry always smells so good but mine always just smells like nothing and i Try So Hard! FINALLY is all i have to say.